Tomorrow my dad will have been gone 3 years. It sucks. I mean, I guess it gets easier, or at least you get used to it, but it doesn't suck any less. As the kids grow up it makes me so sad that he isn't here to see it, that they don't get to know him. He was such a fun guy, and kids loved him...he was everybody's favorite uncle, even to kids of his friends he was "Uncle Rog".
He was the sort of guy that would give you the shirt off his back, then take you out for a beer to get your mind off it. Sometimes I thought he was TOO nice, and that people took advantage of that...but he always knew the score. I guess he just liked to help people to help them, not for gratitude or anything else in return.
He was a great dad, too. If I needed anything, he'd go without if he had to so he could help me. He never had lots of money, it wasn't that important to him, but he would come up with it if I needed it...like the time I got into that accident with no insurance and he didn't even lecture me, just gave me the $600 to fix the other girl's car. If I was having a hard time with a boyfriend or with my mom, I could call up my dad and he'd give me good, practical advice, while sounding impartial. Later he would tell me he wanted to go kick somebody's ass about it, but he would always make me work through things on my own.
Lots of people say he IS around, he CAN see me and the kids, which may or may not be true. I wish I had that kind of faith. I wish I could sense him around me, talk to him and feel like he could hear me. I just feel like he's gone. Sometimes I have dreams about him and I try SO hard to hang on to them, try to remember every detail, because that's the only time I really feel like he isn't so gone. But the dreams fade and I'm still left with this hole in my life.
It sucks.
