seriously....STOP GROWING UP SO FAST!!!

I wish I had believed people when they told me it goes much faster with the second child. I don't know what it is. I guess with Seth it was always so exciting to get to the next stage, since I had never been through it. And now I know that after they're all sweet and cute, they turn three and it's all over....

But really. Look at how much she has changed since her birthday. I know this is when they change the fastest and all that, but that doesn't make me feel any better. LOOK HOW SWEET SHE WAS WHEN SHE WAS ONE! LOOK AT HER LITTLE TOOFERS! SHE EVEN USED TO SMILE FOR PICTURES! She's becoming a LITTLE GIRL.

But ok, it IS cute and fun when they're learning how to talk. My current favorite "anna-isms":

• she says "help you" when she needs help, because I always say "do you need me to help you?"
• if you ask her what a pig says, she says "la la la" because of this book we have where it says "three singing pigs say la la la!".
  
• "I love you" sounds like "I wib yooouuuuu". She says it when I put her down in her crib. I know she doesn't know what it means, but I don't care.
  
• "Seth" is pronounced "Sessss".
  
• For some reason she likes to use this really deep exorcist voice sometimes. Especially when she says "hey baby". Very amusing.
• Frogs (pogs) say "bobbbiittt!"
  

There are tons more, but you get the idea. Intense cuteness all day long. I hate thinking that some day she's going to use that adorable little mouth to tell me she hates me because I won't let her go to some party or something.

Sigh.

I've got the fever

BABY FEVER! Ack. I know I don't want another child, I can barely handle the two I have and after a day of running around with them I'm EXHAUSTED, but...I love babies. Whenever I see one in the 6-12 month range, I am overcome with the need to squish them. I don't squish stranger's babies...I'm not that far gone, but it's tempting.

It's just...it seems like Anna was that little for like 2 seconds and now she's all independent and her own little person. The other day she cried for five minutes because I tried to help her with her fork...she has to do things HERSELF! And she's starting to use sentences. (my favorite was the other day when we were all playing cars: "GET IT CAR!!!") SLOW DOWN! Seth seems like he was a baby for longer, but of course he was my first and he walked so late.

I'm hoping once I start doing clinicals and working and getting to see babies, it will help...hopefully it won't make it worse. Good thing I have an IUD.

Guilt

These are the things I feel guilty about almost daily:

1. The kids watch too much TV.
2. The kids eat too much processed/fast food (I try to limit the fast food to once a week, but they get processed shit every day. They'd starve otherwise!)
3. I'm irritated at Seth so often
4. Anna never gets one on one time with me.
5. I am sending them to daycare. And balking at the $30 a day for the preschool daycare. It would be so good for them!
6. I'm going to school so I can WORK instead of stay home with them.
7. I'm not nearly the supportive wife I should at least try to be. I really get negative about stupid stuff sometimes. LET IT GO, TRACEY!

Gotta love being a mom. Nonstop guilt.

I have a confession

I hate playing cars. If I never had to play cars again for the rest of my life, that would be a-ok with me. That goes for trains, trucks, airplanes...ANY other mode of transportation. I feel like my brain is being sucked out as I drive around the track over and over and OVER again. But I do it. Because Seth wants me to. I try really hard to act like it's fun, too. It's tough some days.

I know some day when he'd rather play with his friends, I'm going to wish he would play with me. Some day when he thinks I'm the most uncool (or whatever word they'll be using then) female on the planet (besides his sister, of course), I'm going to miss these days. But I still hate playing cars.

I wonder if I'll feel the same way about Barbies (or Bratz...seems like Barbie is on her way out, huh?). Speaking of...I'm considering banning Bratz on principle. They're hos! Big pouty lipstick lips, dressed like they're going out to pick up dudes. But then I try to think...did playing with Barbies influence me in any way? I don't think I need boobs big enough to make me fall over and a waist the circumference of a pie pan. Maybe I'm overthinking it.